Dear Poets,
Read through the six poems from your English class. Select one. Type it in a word document. As you type, consider making slight improvements and revisions.
1. Reply to this post by publishing your poem. Prior to publishing, be sure it is free of spelling errors and that it is your best version.
2. Reply to your poem with a brief explanation of the choices you have made and describe what you hope your reader will notice as a result of your choices.
3. Reply to at least two of your classmates’ poems by commenting on their choices, theme, tone, or structure.
Kind Regards,
Coey
p.s. If you are interested in having your poem published in a teen literary magazine, consider submitting your work to Teen Ink.
Covered in thick mud
Disobedient–still am,
Astray an orphan
Unfailing Love, Grace, Mercy
His tears washes me
From the beliefs as a Christian, I’d describe myself an imperfect son who’s always hurting the Lord. However, on the other hand, He forever loves, forever accepts, and forever forgives me no matter what I’ve done. Imagery was applied onto my tanka to evoke a mood of Love.
It’s been a long time
since the day of that moment,
we’ve both changed alot,
we’ll flow down the same river,
untill we reach the ocean.
My message is about growing up together and sticking together untill we split our seperate ways. I chose to use the word “same” to remind the reader that i have a strong relationship with that person.
I like the river/ocean metaphor A LOT, it’s really deep (like the ocean haha). However, “a lot” is NOT, and never will be, one word. It’s two words. Not one.
Hopefully
I’ve seen it a million times,
with its extraneous little lines.
I can feel my body set off,
as fast as a balloon lifts aloft.
But I set aside our differences,
If I know what’s good for me.
But in reality I hope inside,
that poetry will one day die!
I wanted my poem to evoke more of a humorous tone than that of a negative one. The use of the humorous tone would be quite visible in the second stanza due to the words, “If I know what’s good for me.” This quote refers to the consequence of not doing poetry and I wanted to make it seemed like I’m forced to do poetry even though I dislike it. Which in reality, I do like poetry. I also didn’t want to use too much complex words as it would dull the humor but I also didn’t want to use too much dead words, if there was. Overall, I just wanted my poem to be unique in tone and not similar to other poems.
I liked how you created a relationship between yourself and the poem by setting into the figures of speech. It brought to me personally a greater understanding your message.
Like a stranded whale
With no hope or help in sight,
You guided the way
With me taking your advice,
I am who I am today…
The purpose of this poem was to acknowledge a friend of mine, who introduced me to a better life. I used the word “Stranded” to convey being lost, (which I was at the time). I also used the words “Hope, Helped, and Guided” to convey being found, and then helped to find a way out.
I appreciate your application of the figures of speech and diction for it puts more emphasis on your purpose.
Like the full bright moon
Your eyes shine in the plain
The calm sway soothes the air
Death ages bones silently
The night has ended unmoved
The message of my tanka is how evan though a fair lover has died no one cares
I choose the word death to make a turning point from a positive connotation to a negative connotation
I like how the air is “soothed” and the night ends “unmoved.” Interesting personification. I also like the shift to death.
Nice imagery, i thought of a cemetary on a hill, but not too sad, more like someone had a good life. Like your with somone till the day you die.
This sonnet dedicated to you.
I can never forget the times we had
When our eyes met it was love at first sight
Within you lies nothing that can’t be bad
As our hands and mouths collide I lose might
You’re the one for me despite what they say
Your one of a kind personality
That greets me no matter what time of day
Makes me think if this is reality
When I am all by myself I feel blind
You are my only light when trapped by dark
You’re the one always on my mind
When we are together we create sparks
From the day we met to the day we die
This sonnet that’s for you is not a lie
my message was about the only one person that i loved and now that she’s gone i am nothing without her…… some of my choices that i made was having to use small words many times because if i used words with more than two or three sylables along with my other words then it would not have fitted.
I can see how much love is in this poem. I also see great desciption of the relationship between the two. I also like the words choices used here.
Should a hand be used
For the punishment of others
Even if we forget
The endless darkness of the
Cold forsaken night?
The Love that lasts for
Eternity and beyond
Doesn’t have the end
Of the butterfly who has
Created new life in Spring
The inspiration
Has set me to use details
Just as the stars do
When they’re named constellations…
A solid structure that lasts.
1st Tanka:
I was just remembering a thing I’ve heard of abuse and wanted to write about it. It’s not supposed to be too clear, just as the reason for abuse isn’t clear as well.
2nd Tanka:
I remember how love can be as fragile as a butterfly and yet it doesn’t end as quickly as one.
3rd Tanka:
A friend of mine uses much detail in their artwor< which as set me out to do the same. I compaired this to the stars, that can add detail to the sky.
A plain expression
Yet your beauty is godly
You shine so brightly
Yet you don’t see your beauty
Beauty that trapped me in love.
I chose to write about a girl who is self-conches about herself and a guy how is trying to show her that she is beautiful. I chose the word godly to show the reader that her beauty is so great that it can be compared to that of a god. The message of my Tanka was that you should never be self-conches.
The crowd is yelling
People are saying
how long are we staying
and Maloofs we’re done paying
The lights are fading
but no one is leaving
How can you betray us
after all we’ve done
don’t be like him.
Here we stay
Here we build
Here we whatever.
Can’t you see
we love this team
You have to think,
Is it worth being hated.
it would be worse than
a Taylor Swift break up.
Don’t be like him
Let us keep our team
Don’t move them
Listen to the fans.
Look around you
Its half past eight
the game ended at six
yet it’s still full.
If you abandon us,
Don’t ever come back.
I liked the word choices you made in your poem. I understood the point of the poem and i saw the images. Although the poem is quite long, i still enjoyed it. I love how you compared the break up with Taylor Swift. It made me laugh simultaneously. (:
My choices: The poem’s objective tone shifts to an angered, frustrated, and broken-hearted tone in the line which begins: “How can you betray us”. I included an allusion meant towards Clay Bennet, when I said, “don’t be like him”.
Thanks to Operation Smile-
It was twenty-six years ago,
In Florida.
A couple gave birth to a baby
Cleft lip, cleft palate.
Just a few months old,
Because of his surgery,
Baby Peter Jan could smile again like everyone else,
Like the sun was shining again,
But not Peter Jan’s cleft palate.
It was a mission,
An impossible mission
To find a doctor to do
Surgery on Jan’s palate,
But thanks to Operation Smile
And Jan’s luck.
Jan was like every other child,
But wasn’t treated like one.
From elementary
To high school,
Peter Jan was bullied, teased,
But successful.
Met a girl and got married,
Knowing that clefts
Can be heredity.
Six months pregnant, Theresa,
Was preparing herself.
To find that their baby
Was only going to have
A cleft lip was a relief.
Thanks to Operation Smile,
Thanks to everyone that cares,
Thanks to those that
Didn’t tease or bully,
Thanks to the support,
Theresa’s and Peter Jan’s baby
Is able to smile
Without getting laughed at,
Without getting teased,
Without getting bulled.
To know not everyone
Was born the same.
I feel useless and
Ashamed.
I wish one day I’ll help
And make a change.
I feel sad and sorry,
But happy and thankful,
For the surgeries and
Operation Smile.
I wanted to create a sad imagery, which evokes the feelings of sorrow and sympathy. The structure of my poem is meant for the reader to pause and think about the situation after every other line or after the commas. The poem’s objective tone shifts to a hopeful tone in the line that begins “Thanks to Operation Smile.” I was able to say that I’m sad people are born with cleft lips and palates, but I’m thankful for the surgeries and hoping that people can get surgeries.
I really like how made the article into a poem. The way that you made your structure helped important facts stand out. Your poem helped to me to stop and think about the cleft palate situation.
Flowerless green plains
Unexpectedly blossoms
A purple flower
Opportunities await
Redemption of your feelings
Eternamente
Brillan tus ojos negros
Como la Luna
En las noches oscuras
Aluminas el cielo
An eternal sky
Forever flowing above
Like heaven’s river
Beautiful life reflects
In your flawless appearance
Your use of comparing the moon with someone’s eyes was very smart. It was also great that you used Spanish instead of English. Seems to give it more meaning.
i like the way you used Spanish in your second tanka.it helps emphasize the beauty you are describing
my choices:I chose to start my lines with a three syllable word,5 syllable word,1 syllable word,5 syllable word,and a 3 syllable word.
My poems all convey the feeling of hope.My poems talk about the beauty of a person and how they resemble certain things in life.
my sport:jordan gamez
Fuzzy yellow balls run across the court
The impact of balls to strings that tingle
The streaks and week of preparation sort
For my strengths and weaknesses mingle
The sweat on the court falls drip, drip splashes
I hit the ball with all my might the sound
I cheer with joy as my opponent dashes
The match is won as tears fall making mounds
Practice makes perfect is a coaching term
Perfection is key to tranquility
Really make your first serve in to earn
Point, an addition to your ability
Tennis is a menace to the jealous
Tennis, surely just my life long zealous
The poems theme is that tennis isn’t just a sport were you swing a racket.After i chose that theme my poetic abilities began to form.around the end of the poem my rhyme began to stand out.as my poem took shape it became simpler to continue ideas throughout lines and create individual main ideas for each stanza.
I like how you rhymed jealous with zealous. I also like how you said that your tears formed mounds.
Tanka
Without you, my life
Can’t never be so perfect,
But with you, my life
Will be so complicated
Like five by five Rubik cube.
I feel as the diction of the poem is written towards a certain crowd. The tone is a melow,but soft tone, lonely.
I describe the complication of having a relationship by using a comparison between relationship and a Rubik cube. Sometimes, it is easy going, but most of the time the relationship is complicated. I want the reader to know that the five by five Rubik cube is difficult to solve, just like relationship, they need patience to keep it going well.
Nice rubik’s cube simile (I hate those things), but check your grammar first.
I like how you compare life with the person (or thing) with a rubik cube.
Heart Stopper
You are the creamy passion of my life,
You always give that sweet relief and bliss.
You are the reason I don’t have a wife,
But I would still prefer your custard kiss.
I’ll take all flavors: sprinkle, custard, plain.
I’ll buy you in a bag or in a box
Then eat you in the sun, the snow, the rain.
I love you from my head down to my socks.
The only thing more tasty than your dough
Is dough with milk, that cow juice for my soul.
With both in hand I’ll watch my TV show
And take a bite into that yummy roll.
And when I’m old and fat and nearly dead,
There will still be a doughnut by my bed
The point of this poem is to express my infatuation with doughnuts, pastries, and the like. I used humor throughout the poem and in the title, which has a double meaning. “Heart Stopper” refers to the beauty of doughnuts that is so great it stops my heart, and the fact the doughnuts accumulate in my arteries and will literally stop my heart. I wrote this poem either within the classroom, or at home, in my comfy chair, with my cat asleep on my lap.
I like the personification and then descriptive images that you use to describe doughnuts. I also like the humor that you use in your poem, it made the poem more interesting with a cheerful and comical tone.
i like how you sad: that cow juice for my soul. i also like how you were talking about doughnuts
Interesting choice of reference and comparisons. Quite a comedic poem, if I may say.
I like the fact that you create several jokes in your poem. I enjoy them especially your description on the donut. Only problem is that I feel hungry now.
Caring, embracing
All my every emotion
I share it with you
Although I get you upset
You have never let me down
One choice that I made was my uses of words and syllables. I have to find words that will fit into the rules of tankas. It was very frustrating and complicating because at first, I chose words that were over 5 or 7 syllables. But at the end, I manage to finish my tankas with the correct number of syllables. I hope my readers notice my word choices and my tone toward my tanka.
I like your choices of words and the tone of your poem. I like how it gives the feeling of trust.
Dead man’s hand
Into the mouth of pain that I still feel,
The sword in my back still hurts me in here,
But I will live thanks to my heart of steel.
Where have you left me to my friend-oh where?
Death’s door waits for us all to die tonight.
Let us live long until we die of age.
I am walking towards the distant light.
Light up my road, my way across this stage.
One soul who’s left alone in face of death.
Stained blood on my bare hands, I fear my heart
I turn my back on death to hear my breath
And I nearly escaped my fate, death’s art.
The death of my friend left me paralyzed
This fear and all that it has terrified.
By Cheng Yang
My choices: My poem was written to convey the influences of a dead man. I purposely picked my title name to foreshadow the upcoming theme. My most important choice was the fact that I just picked random sentences and mixed them together. I chose to use the word “distant” in the second quatrain to create the image of a hope faraway. I also chose to use the word “breath” to convey the idea of returning back to life.
I like your word choices that you used in this poem. It gives and shows you a vivid imagery that i can see. Reading this poem gave me the chills based on the tone that you used.
The Love For it
In New York, a birth place
Not to only humans
But to music,
The main creators of New York’s hip-hop
Were Notorious B.I.G and Nas
But sadly things change like seasons
Death of B.I.G slowly killed hip-hop
Leaving Nas all alone, in the hip-hop game
BOOM! The album drops
“Hip-Hop is dead”
Which arose if from death
Giving hip-hop a…
New image
“dead or alive I’m going to die with this mic”
Hip-hop is my life
Lyricists show me ways of enlightenment
Hip-Hop I love you!
Dead or Alive!
In my poem , i showed a major tone shift. It went from a negative tone , to a Positive one within three lines. I also added a quote from Nas saying “dead or alive i’m going to die with this mic”. Ending my poem i tell what Hip-Hop means to me , and how it has an affect on me.
I like the choices you made because you have feeling into what you were writing and you knew what exactly what you were talking about. The word choices you made were visual, i could see that “Hip hop dead” from its death. I enjoyed reading your thoughts that were written on paper.
Tai Chi (Tonka)
The soft and hard form
Of which you bring to my eyes
Lights up a new word
That shall be explored in one
And of no return in life
Your hands like water
You are expressed in many
As your softness lies
Your beauty is deceiving
When your form is so deadly
As water you’re life
But like water you consume
Drowning the victims
The name that brings peace in life
The name in which is Taiji.
By Randy Saelee
In my poem, I chose to write about Tai chi. Tai chi is a chinese martial art and meditation form. I hope my readers’ will notice the relationship between Tai Chi and nature, and the deception of peaceful meditation.
I like how your tankas are nature based. It sends off this mood of calmness that only nature possess. I also like how u used water because water represents the river of life and nature. In short words, I like this poem.
Dreaming the Dream (News Poem)
June 15th, the day president Obama
Endorsed the Dream program.
A program that offers a two-year
Deferral of deportation.
The legal opportunity
To one day get a job,
An education,
A home.
The place where we’re born doesn’t
Matter
Sneaks through central America
Hikes through dense, dangerous forests.
Crowds into miniature boats
Swims in the deep, cold lakes.
Asking ourselves,
“Will we ever get to America?”
“I also want the American dream.”
Immigrants shouldn’t have to wait any
Longer to get the same rights
As everyone else.
But, “It’s just a matter of time
Until everyone is
On the same page.”
The dream act is a program that is going to change education for immigrants forever. They’re finally going to have the chance to graduate college. I wanted to create a feeling of reflecting with the informative imagery that I added. The imagery evoked a feeling of hope. The process that I used began with highlighting important information from my news article. Then I thought about what I was going to transfer from the article to my poem.
I like how your poem revolves around so many people. It shows how considerate you are as a poet. I like how your poem gives hope to so many people and so much more. I especially love your imagery of the hardships immigrants have to go through just to get to America.
Deadly Beauty- Alyssa Vang
My heavy eyelids,
Drop, stumble, on to the floor
Pale, tinted white skin
Whiter than the winter snow
Waking with a zombie face
As I drag my feet
My shadow follows behind
Cranky messy hair
Brushing my wild knots out
With the breath of a dragon
I was so tired
But make up was my best friend
Covering each sag
Remaining the same smile
See the beauty within me
While writing this poem, I didn’t know what I was going to write about. I sat down and took my pencil and started to write how tired I was. It turned out better than I thought; it turned out to be a poem. The choices I made were describing my sequence. All the descriptions put into my poem was exactly how I look like every morning
I really liked all the imagery you added in your poem. I was able to imagine everything you put and I like how your structure is in chronological order(:
I like the way you use imagery. With your word choice, the poem was very descriptive. While reading I can already see an image of your every morning routine.